"Forever seems so distant
Much further than today
You turn around and in an instant
You find that you are just as far from yesterday

The day it feels like winter
The night it feels like stone
You turn around and you remember
When you’re surrounded
You can still feel so alone"


Right now is a stepping on glass moment.

Silliness of grief

Grief can be a silly thing. Not silly in the sense that it is trivial, but that it is not logical. I expected it to be like a skinned knee. It hurts really bad, you're bleeding, there's nothing you can do to make it better, but over time it heals. It's been two months since Dad passed away.

The first week it felt like Dad was on a business trip and he'd be home by the end of the week.

I don't ever remember my dreams but the second week I often dreamed that dad had been sick at the hospital and had come back home. I'd wake up believing this to be true only to realize I'd have to wish it to be true.

The third week I found myself asking why dad wasn't back from his trip. I knew that he wasn't coming back, but some part of me was demanding his return. Is it silly that I have to convince myself that dad isn't coming back?

Since then grief and pain of come in unexpected moments. It can be triggered by anything at any time. It's not like a skinned knee, it's like walking blindfolded with bits of glass spread around.

-James