"Forever seems so distant
Much further than today
You turn around and in an instant
You find that you are just as far from yesterday
The day it feels like winter
The night it feels like stone
You turn around and you remember
When you’re surrounded
You can still feel so alone"
Right now is a stepping on glass moment.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Silliness of grief
Grief can be a silly thing. Not silly in the sense that it is trivial, but that it is not logical. I expected it to be like a skinned knee. It hurts really bad, you're bleeding, there's nothing you can do to make it better, but over time it heals. It's been two months since Dad passed away.
The first week it felt like Dad was on a business trip and he'd be home by the end of the week.
I don't ever remember my dreams but the second week I often dreamed that dad had been sick at the hospital and had come back home. I'd wake up believing this to be true only to realize I'd have to wish it to be true.
The third week I found myself asking why dad wasn't back from his trip. I knew that he wasn't coming back, but some part of me was demanding his return. Is it silly that I have to convince myself that dad isn't coming back?
Since then grief and pain of come in unexpected moments. It can be triggered by anything at any time. It's not like a skinned knee, it's like walking blindfolded with bits of glass spread around.
-James
The first week it felt like Dad was on a business trip and he'd be home by the end of the week.
I don't ever remember my dreams but the second week I often dreamed that dad had been sick at the hospital and had come back home. I'd wake up believing this to be true only to realize I'd have to wish it to be true.
The third week I found myself asking why dad wasn't back from his trip. I knew that he wasn't coming back, but some part of me was demanding his return. Is it silly that I have to convince myself that dad isn't coming back?
Since then grief and pain of come in unexpected moments. It can be triggered by anything at any time. It's not like a skinned knee, it's like walking blindfolded with bits of glass spread around.
-James
Saturday, February 5, 2011
My patient Comforter, my God,
My Life, my Breath, my holy Zeal,
My soul is doubly sorrowful:
That I still sin against your Seal,
And sinning cause my Sovereign grief.
I know it is your holy way
To make your grief serve perfect joy,
But I still pray, O bring the day
When, in the twinkling of an eye,
My soul will doubly be relieved:
I will not ever sin again,
And you will nevermore be grieved.
-John Piper
My Life, my Breath, my holy Zeal,
My soul is doubly sorrowful:
That I still sin against your Seal,
And sinning cause my Sovereign grief.
I know it is your holy way
To make your grief serve perfect joy,
But I still pray, O bring the day
When, in the twinkling of an eye,
My soul will doubly be relieved:
I will not ever sin again,
And you will nevermore be grieved.
-John Piper
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Saturday, December 4, 2010
Saturday, September 4, 2010
So here's a scene that I wrote for a play a long time ago...
Doctor: I know it hurts.
GRIEVING GIRL: But it hurts a lot…I don't like it.
Doctor: I don't think anybody does.
GRIEVING GIRL: I want it to go away.
Doctor: I wish it'd go away too, but you know what?
GRIEVING GIRL: What?
Doctor: Come here, (he puts her hand on his chest.) What do you feel?
GRIEVING GIRL: I feel your heart beat.
Doctor: You know what I feel?
GRIEVING GIRL: What?
Doctor: I feel pain, I feel hurt, and I feel anger, but you know why I feel all that?
GRIEVING GIRL: Why?
Doctor: Because at one time, there was love, and there was joy there. It may be hard right now, but if you continue to love, eventually the pain will fade away. Right now, all you can feel is pain, but the pain itself is proof of the love that proceeded it. So remember this, when you stop feeling pain, and hurt, when bad things happen, you've stopped feeling love too, and love is the most valuable thing we posses.
Doctor: I know it hurts.
GRIEVING GIRL: But it hurts a lot…I don't like it.
Doctor: I don't think anybody does.
GRIEVING GIRL: I want it to go away.
Doctor: I wish it'd go away too, but you know what?
GRIEVING GIRL: What?
Doctor: Come here, (he puts her hand on his chest.) What do you feel?
GRIEVING GIRL: I feel your heart beat.
Doctor: You know what I feel?
GRIEVING GIRL: What?
Doctor: I feel pain, I feel hurt, and I feel anger, but you know why I feel all that?
GRIEVING GIRL: Why?
Doctor: Because at one time, there was love, and there was joy there. It may be hard right now, but if you continue to love, eventually the pain will fade away. Right now, all you can feel is pain, but the pain itself is proof of the love that proceeded it. So remember this, when you stop feeling pain, and hurt, when bad things happen, you've stopped feeling love too, and love is the most valuable thing we posses.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
In love and for His glory
Love is big in the Bible. God is love, the greatest commandment is to love God. Love is contested by only one other theme in the bible...
The Glory of God.
How do these fit together? Which is God more passionate about, His glory or His love? There are many verses that could be given about the love and glory of God, but the following were chosen namely because they speak directly to some of the greatest acts of God's love in the bible. (predestination, creation, incarnation, salvation, sanctification, propagation, and consummation.)
We were predestined for His glory: Ephesians 1:5, “God predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ for himself according to his good pleasure unto the praise of the glory of his grace.”
We were created for His glory: Isaiah 43:6, “Bring my sons from afar, my daughters from the ends of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, and whom I have created for my glory.”
Jesus came for His glory: Luke 2:10, “...in the city of David is born a savior, who is Christ the Lord... ...suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of heavenly hosts praising God and saying Glory to God.”
Jesus died for His glory: 2 Corinthians 5:14, "he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sakes died.”
and so on: Philippians 1:11 “...you may be filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”
and so forth: Romans 1:5 “We received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name.”
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera: Thessalonians 1:9, "...when he comes to be glorified in his saints on that day, and to be marveled at among all who have believed"
Of course this is not to say that we shouldn't rejoice or find solace in the fact that God makes much of us. Everything God does is to be rejoiced in, and He DOES make much of us.
Luke 12:37 Blessed are those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. Truly, I say to you, he will dress himself for service and have them recline at table, and he will come and serve them.
Zephaniah 3:17, “He rejoices over us with great shouts of gladness.”
God's delight in us SHOULD be delightful TO us, but should we stop there? Is that enough? The question becomes this: Am I making much of God, only because he reveals himself as the one who makes much of me? I’m happy to be God-centered, if God is James Legg centered. I’m happy to treasure God as long as I know that at the heart of God he is treasuring me. Here’s the issue: Is the foundation of my joy myself or God? It seems not enough for God in the process of magnifying the ultimate worth of his infinitely valuable glory, to make me a part of His family. I have to hear Him say “You’re the end of everything” as well.
I believe God knows that we all are bent towards loving Him as long as He loves us. I believe that is why He couples His greatest acts of love with "For His glory". He is vigilant to not let us deceive ourselves into thinking we love Him when we are really loving ourselves. It is the God-centered way that God loves us.
An analogy from John Piper:
Why do people go to the Grand Canyon? It’s big, it’s deep, it’s breathtaking, it’s huge. It makes you feel little, and yet people go. There must be something inside of us that loves to be near bigness when we feel little. yes. yes! YES! We’re made for God! However, if you walk up to the edge of the Grand Canyon, and you’re within about a foot of the edge, and it’s straight down for a mile, and you feel like the power of the Grand Canyon might just flick you over the edge, you’re not gonna enjoy it. You’re gonna be terrified the whole time. You’re going be thinking “I could die here.”
What you need to have added to the awe of the moment is security. The God who is the Grand Canyon needs to have his arms around you. He needs to be whispering in your ear, “It’s all right. I won’t drop you. I’m your dad. I’m your friend. I gave my life for you. I won’t drop you. I just want you to enjoy this, so relax, and look.” And what I’m arguing against is that the people say, “I just want his arms around me. I just want his arms around me. I want to feel that I’m central to his life.” I’m saying, please, please, don’t feel like you have to sacrifice that longing to be God-centered, to really see the canyon, to really know that the one whose arm’s around you is doing it so that you might not miss the grandeur, the majesty, the awe, the wonder, the all-satisfying more of the canyon.
Romans 11:36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.
-James
The Glory of God.
How do these fit together? Which is God more passionate about, His glory or His love? There are many verses that could be given about the love and glory of God, but the following were chosen namely because they speak directly to some of the greatest acts of God's love in the bible. (predestination, creation, incarnation, salvation, sanctification, propagation, and consummation.)
We were predestined for His glory: Ephesians 1:5, “God predestined us to adoption as sons through Jesus Christ for himself according to his good pleasure unto the praise of the glory of his grace.”
We were created for His glory: Isaiah 43:6, “Bring my sons from afar, my daughters from the ends of the earth, everyone who is called by my name, and whom I have created for my glory.”
Jesus came for His glory: Luke 2:10, “...in the city of David is born a savior, who is Christ the Lord... ...suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of heavenly hosts praising God and saying Glory to God.”
Jesus died for His glory: 2 Corinthians 5:14, "he died for all, that those who live might no longer live for themselves but for him who for their sakes died.”
and so on: Philippians 1:11 “...you may be filled with the fruit of righteousness which comes through Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God.”
and so forth: Romans 1:5 “We received grace and apostleship to bring about the obedience of faith for the sake of his name.”
et cetera, et cetera, et cetera: Thessalonians 1:9, "...when he comes to be glorified in his saints on that day, and to be marveled at among all who have believed"
Of course this is not to say that we shouldn't rejoice or find solace in the fact that God makes much of us. Everything God does is to be rejoiced in, and He DOES make much of us.
Luke 12:37 Blessed are those servants whom the master finds awake when he comes. Truly, I say to you, he will dress himself for service and have them recline at table, and he will come and serve them.
Zephaniah 3:17, “He rejoices over us with great shouts of gladness.”
God's delight in us SHOULD be delightful TO us, but should we stop there? Is that enough? The question becomes this: Am I making much of God, only because he reveals himself as the one who makes much of me? I’m happy to be God-centered, if God is James Legg centered. I’m happy to treasure God as long as I know that at the heart of God he is treasuring me. Here’s the issue: Is the foundation of my joy myself or God? It seems not enough for God in the process of magnifying the ultimate worth of his infinitely valuable glory, to make me a part of His family. I have to hear Him say “You’re the end of everything” as well.
I believe God knows that we all are bent towards loving Him as long as He loves us. I believe that is why He couples His greatest acts of love with "For His glory". He is vigilant to not let us deceive ourselves into thinking we love Him when we are really loving ourselves. It is the God-centered way that God loves us.
An analogy from John Piper:
Why do people go to the Grand Canyon? It’s big, it’s deep, it’s breathtaking, it’s huge. It makes you feel little, and yet people go. There must be something inside of us that loves to be near bigness when we feel little. yes. yes! YES! We’re made for God! However, if you walk up to the edge of the Grand Canyon, and you’re within about a foot of the edge, and it’s straight down for a mile, and you feel like the power of the Grand Canyon might just flick you over the edge, you’re not gonna enjoy it. You’re gonna be terrified the whole time. You’re going be thinking “I could die here.”
What you need to have added to the awe of the moment is security. The God who is the Grand Canyon needs to have his arms around you. He needs to be whispering in your ear, “It’s all right. I won’t drop you. I’m your dad. I’m your friend. I gave my life for you. I won’t drop you. I just want you to enjoy this, so relax, and look.” And what I’m arguing against is that the people say, “I just want his arms around me. I just want his arms around me. I want to feel that I’m central to his life.” I’m saying, please, please, don’t feel like you have to sacrifice that longing to be God-centered, to really see the canyon, to really know that the one whose arm’s around you is doing it so that you might not miss the grandeur, the majesty, the awe, the wonder, the all-satisfying more of the canyon.
Romans 11:36 For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be glory forever. Amen.
-James
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