Monday, August 1, 2011
Monday, July 25, 2011
We never move past the gospel.
Written Thursday, January 20, 2011 at 2:38am
Mom has a group of faithful, strong, and compassionate ladies who have been right by her this whole process. Last night they stayed with her at the hospital so the rest of the family could go home and sleep in our own beds. This morning our family gathered in the conference room at the hospital and talked with the doctor. They had just gotten back the results from a cerebral blood flow study which determines the activity of the brain. They said there was no activity and they suspected that he passed away some time during the night. We spent the next 45 minutes or so sharing memories of Dad, his kind heart, generosity, and vivaciousness. There were tears, laughter, and sometimes both at the same time. After that we had a few decisions to make. Trey Boden, Buddy Hoffman, and Brian Krawczyk came over and were very helpful to our family in the process of planning a service. Being a pastor isn't just their vocation, it's in their hearts as well. They are all very precious to me.
My uncle Jim drove down from Maryland and arrived today. It's been great to have him around. There were many faithful friends who visited and were of great encouragement to us. The notes on facebook were fortifying as well. When getting discouraged I would often log on and read the latest wave of constant messages that were coming through.
At about 6:00pm the family gathered back into the room one more time to say our last goodbyes to dad. Then we went home.
How we are doing:
It's been a roller coaster day to be sure. We miss dad and hurt that we can't be with him anymore. The pangs come without warning, and can be triggered by anything. I'm so thankful for how my family works together, and are strong for one another. We are steadily putting together plans for the service while fellowshiping with one another.
Things to pray for:
1. Our family - There's a tear in the fabric of our family. Pray as we learn what life is going to look like from here on out.
2. God's name be lifted up. I believe the most healing thing for our family would be to see God glorified because of this. I firmly believe he is sovereignly working this for our good and His glory, and if it works into His purpose I want to see it.
details:
We will have a service remembering dad Sunday the 23rd at 1400 Dogwood Road, Snellville, GA 30087 at 1:30pm. There will be a reception following the service to give friends an opportunity to express their condolences. We are looking to stream the service live on the Internet for those of you who live far away and can't make it. I will talk with the video pastor tomorrow and post further instructions on how to participate in that on Sunday.
The Gospel:
The bible is packed to the brim with the gospel. It was one event with an infinite amount of ramifications. We sinners have so many needs, and there are so many suitable places where the gospel is unfolded for us in scripture. My Father gave me one such place today.
"For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. " -1 Thessalonians 5:9-11
God destined my dad to obtain salvation: Before my dad was ever born, God looked at him, a helpless sinner, and said "I choose to love him. I will pay his debt, I will freely give him my righteousness, I will care for him, and bring him home with me to live forever". Not only has God done this for dad, but for our whole family. God has secured for us the reality of seeing dad again.
Christ died so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him: The greatest news of the gospel is not that we have some hope of an afterlife, but that WE GET JESUS! This is the truth that carries us through the tragedies in life: JESUS is enough! The one who never leaves, never forsakes, who knows our thoughts before they come into our head, the one who feels our pain, the one that sustains us, the one who holds us together, the one who rules, the one who is the king of kings, HIM! HIM! WE GET HIM! This the heart of the Christian life: that we rejoice in Christ for the glory of God!
Encourage one another with the gospel: The gospel is not just how we were saved. It is the life we need every day. It is what kept our family from self-destructing. We will NEVER move past the gospel. We will NEVER outgrow our need for it. It is our solace. This is where we find courage: Both for dad who is asleep, and us who are awake, Christ is with us.
-James
Mom has a group of faithful, strong, and compassionate ladies who have been right by her this whole process. Last night they stayed with her at the hospital so the rest of the family could go home and sleep in our own beds. This morning our family gathered in the conference room at the hospital and talked with the doctor. They had just gotten back the results from a cerebral blood flow study which determines the activity of the brain. They said there was no activity and they suspected that he passed away some time during the night. We spent the next 45 minutes or so sharing memories of Dad, his kind heart, generosity, and vivaciousness. There were tears, laughter, and sometimes both at the same time. After that we had a few decisions to make. Trey Boden, Buddy Hoffman, and Brian Krawczyk came over and were very helpful to our family in the process of planning a service. Being a pastor isn't just their vocation, it's in their hearts as well. They are all very precious to me.
My uncle Jim drove down from Maryland and arrived today. It's been great to have him around. There were many faithful friends who visited and were of great encouragement to us. The notes on facebook were fortifying as well. When getting discouraged I would often log on and read the latest wave of constant messages that were coming through.
At about 6:00pm the family gathered back into the room one more time to say our last goodbyes to dad. Then we went home.
How we are doing:
It's been a roller coaster day to be sure. We miss dad and hurt that we can't be with him anymore. The pangs come without warning, and can be triggered by anything. I'm so thankful for how my family works together, and are strong for one another. We are steadily putting together plans for the service while fellowshiping with one another.
Things to pray for:
1. Our family - There's a tear in the fabric of our family. Pray as we learn what life is going to look like from here on out.
2. God's name be lifted up. I believe the most healing thing for our family would be to see God glorified because of this. I firmly believe he is sovereignly working this for our good and His glory, and if it works into His purpose I want to see it.
details:
We will have a service remembering dad Sunday the 23rd at 1400 Dogwood Road, Snellville, GA 30087 at 1:30pm. There will be a reception following the service to give friends an opportunity to express their condolences. We are looking to stream the service live on the Internet for those of you who live far away and can't make it. I will talk with the video pastor tomorrow and post further instructions on how to participate in that on Sunday.
The Gospel:
The bible is packed to the brim with the gospel. It was one event with an infinite amount of ramifications. We sinners have so many needs, and there are so many suitable places where the gospel is unfolded for us in scripture. My Father gave me one such place today.
"For God has not destined us for wrath, but to obtain salvation through our Lord Jesus Christ, who died for us so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him. Therefore encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing. " -1 Thessalonians 5:9-11
God destined my dad to obtain salvation: Before my dad was ever born, God looked at him, a helpless sinner, and said "I choose to love him. I will pay his debt, I will freely give him my righteousness, I will care for him, and bring him home with me to live forever". Not only has God done this for dad, but for our whole family. God has secured for us the reality of seeing dad again.
Christ died so that whether we are awake or asleep we might live with him: The greatest news of the gospel is not that we have some hope of an afterlife, but that WE GET JESUS! This is the truth that carries us through the tragedies in life: JESUS is enough! The one who never leaves, never forsakes, who knows our thoughts before they come into our head, the one who feels our pain, the one that sustains us, the one who holds us together, the one who rules, the one who is the king of kings, HIM! HIM! WE GET HIM! This the heart of the Christian life: that we rejoice in Christ for the glory of God!
Encourage one another with the gospel: The gospel is not just how we were saved. It is the life we need every day. It is what kept our family from self-destructing. We will NEVER move past the gospel. We will NEVER outgrow our need for it. It is our solace. This is where we find courage: Both for dad who is asleep, and us who are awake, Christ is with us.
-James
Summary of today at the hospital
Written Wednesday, January 19, 2011 at 1:25am:
Hello friends. Thank you so much for praying, and loving on our family. I have a few moments so I thought I'd try to write an update that's a little more substantial.
Sunday dad slipped on the ice and hit his head. We eventually had to call an ambulance and take him to the hospital. Last night Dad coded and had to have emergency surgery. The goal was to help drain fluid that was building up in Dad's head. Though unconscious he seemed to be fairly stable today until about 1:30pm when his fever spiked up to 106 and his heart rate began to drop. The Doctor said to bring the family in together. He said there isn't much chance of Dad waking up. We met as a family in a conference room (had to phone John and Karen in. They're on their way from North Carolina) to try and make a few decisions about how to proceed. Right now we're just waiting. If Dad doesn't show signs of waking up by tomorrow evening and we're going to have to have another meeting with the Doctor.
Some things to pray for:
1. Dad's brain. The doctor said their was some brain activity but not what would be considered normal. They tested his pupils and did not see any dilation. This usually is a sign that his brain is not functioning as it ought.
2. Mom. She's been wonderful today. She's been very brave and gracious. Pray for continuing strength and wisdom for her.
3. That we would love well as a family, and bring glory to God.
4. Pray for a Miracle
5. Pray that not our wills, but God's be done
How we are doing:
We've had an overwhelming response of people sending us messages, telling they're praying for us, showing up and visiting at the hospital. We've sang "and can it be" to Dad. It's one of his favorite hymns. We've cried together, we've hugged each other, we're constantly saying we love each other.
The two greatest comforts today have been the word of God and the body of Christ. This morning before Dad took a turn for the worse Christopher and I read Romans 8:28-39 to him. We are firmly rooted and convinced of the truth in those verses. For me personally, never have I felt so much pain, and never has the gospel of Jesus Christ been sweeter. I take comfort that no matter what the outcome is, the hospital bed that dad is in can't have the last word. Whether it be tomorrow, or when our Lord comes back, Jesus will fully heal dad's body. Period. This whole situation is very painful, and we have shed many tears, but we do not weep without hope.
I feel I should again thank all the people who have prayed fervently, sent words of encouragement, and came to visit and waited hours on end in the waiting room. Jesus said "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”. I cannot begin to express how supported and loved we feel by all of you. One of my prayers is that people on the 6th floor of Gwinnett Medical would be drawn to Jesus after seeing the way you all have lavished love over us.
I think it appropriate to end with Dad's favorite hymn. It's the one we sang to him today
And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain—
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
He left His Father’s throne above
So free, so infinite His grace—
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!
Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
-James
Hello friends. Thank you so much for praying, and loving on our family. I have a few moments so I thought I'd try to write an update that's a little more substantial.
Sunday dad slipped on the ice and hit his head. We eventually had to call an ambulance and take him to the hospital. Last night Dad coded and had to have emergency surgery. The goal was to help drain fluid that was building up in Dad's head. Though unconscious he seemed to be fairly stable today until about 1:30pm when his fever spiked up to 106 and his heart rate began to drop. The Doctor said to bring the family in together. He said there isn't much chance of Dad waking up. We met as a family in a conference room (had to phone John and Karen in. They're on their way from North Carolina) to try and make a few decisions about how to proceed. Right now we're just waiting. If Dad doesn't show signs of waking up by tomorrow evening and we're going to have to have another meeting with the Doctor.
Some things to pray for:
1. Dad's brain. The doctor said their was some brain activity but not what would be considered normal. They tested his pupils and did not see any dilation. This usually is a sign that his brain is not functioning as it ought.
2. Mom. She's been wonderful today. She's been very brave and gracious. Pray for continuing strength and wisdom for her.
3. That we would love well as a family, and bring glory to God.
4. Pray for a Miracle
5. Pray that not our wills, but God's be done
How we are doing:
We've had an overwhelming response of people sending us messages, telling they're praying for us, showing up and visiting at the hospital. We've sang "and can it be" to Dad. It's one of his favorite hymns. We've cried together, we've hugged each other, we're constantly saying we love each other.
The two greatest comforts today have been the word of God and the body of Christ. This morning before Dad took a turn for the worse Christopher and I read Romans 8:28-39 to him. We are firmly rooted and convinced of the truth in those verses. For me personally, never have I felt so much pain, and never has the gospel of Jesus Christ been sweeter. I take comfort that no matter what the outcome is, the hospital bed that dad is in can't have the last word. Whether it be tomorrow, or when our Lord comes back, Jesus will fully heal dad's body. Period. This whole situation is very painful, and we have shed many tears, but we do not weep without hope.
I feel I should again thank all the people who have prayed fervently, sent words of encouragement, and came to visit and waited hours on end in the waiting room. Jesus said "By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”. I cannot begin to express how supported and loved we feel by all of you. One of my prayers is that people on the 6th floor of Gwinnett Medical would be drawn to Jesus after seeing the way you all have lavished love over us.
I think it appropriate to end with Dad's favorite hymn. It's the one we sang to him today
And can it be that I should gain
An interest in the Savior’s blood?
Died He for me, who caused His pain—
For me, who Him to death pursued?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
Amazing love! How can it be,
That Thou, my God, shouldst die for me?
He left His Father’s throne above
So free, so infinite His grace—
Emptied Himself of all but love,
And bled for Adam’s helpless race:
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!
’Tis mercy all, immense and free,
For O my God, it found out me!
Long my imprisoned spirit lay,
Fast bound in sin and nature’s night;
Thine eye diffused a quickening ray—
I woke, the dungeon flamed with light;
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
My chains fell off, my heart was free,
I rose, went forth, and followed Thee.
No condemnation now I dread;
Jesus, and all in Him, is mine;
Alive in Him, my living Head,
And clothed in righteousness divine,
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
Bold I approach th’eternal throne,
And claim the crown, through Christ my own.
-James
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Father's day
Dad...I wish I had written more of these. One of your love languages was words of affirmation. I wish I had loved you better that way. Ha...as I'm writing this your gmail chat icon turned orange meaning your account was recently active. Probably mom going through business e-mails. I laughed because for a moment I thought you were downstairs checking your email right before you went to bed (as was your custom). I thought maybe this whole death business was a bad dream. There is still some part of me that refuses to believe you're not here.
The truth of Christ's victory over death has become so much more real since you've left. I'm sure it's not as real to me as it is to you, but still...it's something very beautiful to me.
I miss your laugh a lot. It was...just great. Somebody sent mom an old picture of you when you were around eighteen. You're wearing just about the biggest, warmest smile one could possibly imagine. I didn't know you when you were eighteen, but I did know you in your later years and I can testify that that smile never faded from your face.
It's hard to be a good man without you. You inspired me to do really hard things, and you encouraged me when things got really hard. I miss your wisdom and advice. I sometimes rolled my eyes when I could feel a long lecture of yours coming on. There are now two things that I'd LOVE to hear from you about. I'd still like to role my eyes, even though I'd really enjoy it. It'd just be nice you know...to be how we used to be. I'm trying to remember some of the things you said to me in our car rides together, but I never wrote them down so...there's not much hope that I'll be able to recall much.
So I'm 21. When you were 21 you were engaged. Golly...I couldn't imagine being engaged right now. I was going to ask you to be my best man when I got married. I don't think I ever told you that. I was thinking about my wedding today (not something that I often do, but every once in awhile it pops in) and I was thinking how we could incorporate Romans 15:5-7 and 13. Those are the verses you and mom shared with all your friends and children who were getting married. It dawned on me that you wouldn't be there to read it.
A friend of mine posted on her status a quote from C.S. Lewis' The Last Battle. It's Reepicheep's line "Welcome, in the Lion's name. Come further up and further in!" I remember how overjoyed I was when I first read those words. I was so elated to "see" Reepicheep again after he had been gone for so long. I shed tears and shouted for joy over a fictional mouse. Oh dad...I want to see you at the gates of heaven. I now sob with such painful longing for that, but then how much more joyful will I be to hear my you, my father, say "Welcome in the Lion of Judah's name! Come further up and further in!"
I know there is good work to be done. Don't give me heaven too early, there's still too much hell to fight...but oh...how I long so very much to see you again.
Your son,
-James
The truth of Christ's victory over death has become so much more real since you've left. I'm sure it's not as real to me as it is to you, but still...it's something very beautiful to me.
I miss your laugh a lot. It was...just great. Somebody sent mom an old picture of you when you were around eighteen. You're wearing just about the biggest, warmest smile one could possibly imagine. I didn't know you when you were eighteen, but I did know you in your later years and I can testify that that smile never faded from your face.
It's hard to be a good man without you. You inspired me to do really hard things, and you encouraged me when things got really hard. I miss your wisdom and advice. I sometimes rolled my eyes when I could feel a long lecture of yours coming on. There are now two things that I'd LOVE to hear from you about. I'd still like to role my eyes, even though I'd really enjoy it. It'd just be nice you know...to be how we used to be. I'm trying to remember some of the things you said to me in our car rides together, but I never wrote them down so...there's not much hope that I'll be able to recall much.
So I'm 21. When you were 21 you were engaged. Golly...I couldn't imagine being engaged right now. I was going to ask you to be my best man when I got married. I don't think I ever told you that. I was thinking about my wedding today (not something that I often do, but every once in awhile it pops in) and I was thinking how we could incorporate Romans 15:5-7 and 13. Those are the verses you and mom shared with all your friends and children who were getting married. It dawned on me that you wouldn't be there to read it.
A friend of mine posted on her status a quote from C.S. Lewis' The Last Battle. It's Reepicheep's line "Welcome, in the Lion's name. Come further up and further in!" I remember how overjoyed I was when I first read those words. I was so elated to "see" Reepicheep again after he had been gone for so long. I shed tears and shouted for joy over a fictional mouse. Oh dad...I want to see you at the gates of heaven. I now sob with such painful longing for that, but then how much more joyful will I be to hear my you, my father, say "Welcome in the Lion of Judah's name! Come further up and further in!"
I know there is good work to be done. Don't give me heaven too early, there's still too much hell to fight...but oh...how I long so very much to see you again.
Your son,
-James
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Trees, noses, grass, worms and sunrises are wonderful.
Video: The Pastor As Scholar: A Personal Journey
John Piper tells his story from childhood to pastorate. I was actually just two rows behind him at this event before he took the stage. For many different reasons the majority of his talk either flew over my head, or I didn't care to hear. I immediately forgot about it. Two years later I find myself moved to tears by his story. Specifically when he talks about slow reading, speaking in public, or coming alive to the world around us. John Piper is a trophy of grace, and his life gives me hope that I could know the same grace that he talks about. Below are some of the quotes that greatly move me. I've tried to attach a time stamp so you can hear him say it. I would highly recommend you take an hour to listen to it. It's not a sermon, simply one broken man's story about becoming whole.
-James
(13:18) You had geometry creating a passion for right reasoning and you had biology creating a passion for right observation. If you try to do right reasoning from wrong observation it doesn't matter how good your reasoning is, it's going to go haywire. These are huge things. This is the basis for all right dealing with reality.
There were a couple awakenings in high school. A passion to write, and a bent towards poetry.
I cannot sustain a sequence of thought for more than thirty seconds without writing.
(17:00) As Calvin said, "I learn as I write and I write as I learn."
(18:00) The inability to speak in front of a group, cut me off in many ways. Cut me off from all class offices. "Come on John, run for class president" "Not in a thousand years, you have to give a speech." Never ran for any class office, never gave a speech, I got C's in civics because I couldn't do an oral book report. "John if you don't do this oral book report you going to get a C in this class." "That's a done deal. I will get a C. You don't understand, this is not like I'm scared. This is not a possibility."
(19:10) I could talk to my dog. Best friend I had.
(19:30) I can read no faster than I talk.
(20:50) Forms began to take shape. Ways of seeing the world. Ways of experiencing were just exploding with significance in college and God and the bible were not the main focus. So I came out of college needing a BIG object to feel about and write about and think about...and I got it....big time.
(27:00) Even though I'm slow, I read carefully. I FEEL what I read.
(30:00) I shall open my eyes and ears once every day. I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are, but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery what Lewis calls their Divine, magical, ecstatic, terrifying existence.
I was a fighting armenian
(53:30) At Wheaton I was formed and in seminary I got substance with which the form could deal. The thinking form, the feeling form, the writing form now had a massive God to deal with. Just gloriously satisfying. I mean, trees and noses, and grass and worms and sunrises are WONDERFUL, but it was all preparation. So I don't begrudge you if you pass through a romantic phase where you're just blown away by sunrises and have little time for God. God is getting you ready for something. He's opening your eyes because all that is going somewhere. The heavens are telling the what? That's why they are there.
(59:00) God said I will be proclaimed, not simply analyzed
John Piper tells his story from childhood to pastorate. I was actually just two rows behind him at this event before he took the stage. For many different reasons the majority of his talk either flew over my head, or I didn't care to hear. I immediately forgot about it. Two years later I find myself moved to tears by his story. Specifically when he talks about slow reading, speaking in public, or coming alive to the world around us. John Piper is a trophy of grace, and his life gives me hope that I could know the same grace that he talks about. Below are some of the quotes that greatly move me. I've tried to attach a time stamp so you can hear him say it. I would highly recommend you take an hour to listen to it. It's not a sermon, simply one broken man's story about becoming whole.
-James
(13:18) You had geometry creating a passion for right reasoning and you had biology creating a passion for right observation. If you try to do right reasoning from wrong observation it doesn't matter how good your reasoning is, it's going to go haywire. These are huge things. This is the basis for all right dealing with reality.
There were a couple awakenings in high school. A passion to write, and a bent towards poetry.
I cannot sustain a sequence of thought for more than thirty seconds without writing.
(17:00) As Calvin said, "I learn as I write and I write as I learn."
(18:00) The inability to speak in front of a group, cut me off in many ways. Cut me off from all class offices. "Come on John, run for class president" "Not in a thousand years, you have to give a speech." Never ran for any class office, never gave a speech, I got C's in civics because I couldn't do an oral book report. "John if you don't do this oral book report you going to get a C in this class." "That's a done deal. I will get a C. You don't understand, this is not like I'm scared. This is not a possibility."
(19:10) I could talk to my dog. Best friend I had.
(19:30) I can read no faster than I talk.
(20:50) Forms began to take shape. Ways of seeing the world. Ways of experiencing were just exploding with significance in college and God and the bible were not the main focus. So I came out of college needing a BIG object to feel about and write about and think about...and I got it....big time.
(27:00) Even though I'm slow, I read carefully. I FEEL what I read.
(30:00) I shall open my eyes and ears once every day. I shall simply stare at a tree, a flower, a cloud, a person. I shall not then be concerned at all to ask what they are, but simply be glad that they are. I shall joyfully allow them the mystery what Lewis calls their Divine, magical, ecstatic, terrifying existence.
I was a fighting armenian
(53:30) At Wheaton I was formed and in seminary I got substance with which the form could deal. The thinking form, the feeling form, the writing form now had a massive God to deal with. Just gloriously satisfying. I mean, trees and noses, and grass and worms and sunrises are WONDERFUL, but it was all preparation. So I don't begrudge you if you pass through a romantic phase where you're just blown away by sunrises and have little time for God. God is getting you ready for something. He's opening your eyes because all that is going somewhere. The heavens are telling the what? That's why they are there.
(59:00) God said I will be proclaimed, not simply analyzed
Monday, June 6, 2011
Remember your fairy tales
Do you think I am trying to weave a spell? Perhaps I am; but remember your fairy tales. Spells are used for breaking enchantments as well as for inducing them. And you and I have need of the strongest spell that can be found to wake us from the evil enchantment of worldliness which has laid upon us for nearly a hundred years.”
–C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
–C.S. Lewis, The Weight of Glory
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